6 Stupid Bumper Stickers You’re Glad You Don’t Have On Your Car

I love bumper stickers. No really, I do. I might have graduated beyond the stick-the-rudest-and-every-band-you-like bumper sticker era of my youth, sure; today, I appreciate a great bumper sticker for marketing purposes. But that doesn’t mean I love all bumper stickers. In fact, a great many bumper stickers I believe should never adorn my car. Or your car. Or anyone’s car.

Case in point: Here are six stupid bumper stickers you’d better be glad aren’t on your car.

1. I Love to Fart

This is so seriously stupid I honestly can’t believe anyone makes money printing them. Oh, wait, yes I can, in the budding “let’s prank a cop and hope we don’t get busted” market (look closely and you’ll see that this bumper sticker was placed on a police car).

2. Don’t Drink and Park: Accidents Cause People

What gets me is the dopes who find this bumper sticker so gol’darn amusing they just have to stick on their crappy car.

3. Lost Your Cat? Try Looking Under My Tires

OK, I’ve got to admit … this one’s kind of funny, even if you own a cat (I, unfortunately, do). But I definitely wouldn’t want to pull up to a business meeting with this thing on my bumper.

4. Tax the Rich or Kill the Poor

OK, so this just doesn’t make sense. I mean, I understand it’s supposed to be a statement for the supposed disadvantages of the middle class, but if the middle class is shrinking which side of the fence will the bumper sticker buyers be on?

5. Geologists Know What Makes the Bedrock

I can only imagine two pen-protector-wearing geologists having a snort over this one. If they’d stop giggling at the phrase “Grand Teton” they might be able to get a date.

6. Everybody’s Somebody in Snellville

I guarantee you, with 100 percent certainty, that if I put this bumper sticker on my car in my city and park downtown, I am going to get my ass kicked.

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